Until God ordains otherwise, a man ought to bear patiently whatever he cannot correct in himself and in others. Imitation of Christ by John Kempis

Archive for May, 2019

Selfishness My Sin


I am still in the process of observing when I am selfish.   Since I wrote the last Blog post Selfishness, I have had many times when I think that a situation is all about me, what I want is more important than another person’s needs and wants.

I noticed that when someone offends me how hard it is to pray for them.  God has shown me that situations can change if I pray for my enemies, (or I perceive them as enemies).

Greed plays a part in my selfishness.  I want more, food, money, homes, cars and any thing that I might see my friends or family may have more than me.  It seems that my generation was the one that was always looking for bigger, better, best.  Television has educated us on all the newest and most improved, and we ran out and bought it.  Even fist fighting to obtain something at a big sale.  We would sleep outside for days to be the first in line to purchase the biggest better and best product.  It was also a false sense of,, I have arrived a status symbol of success.  Superficial actions are respected by the World.  The shallowness of worshiping anything but God, never brings fulfillment.  My own will can deceive me to believe that my happiness is what matters, forgetting everyone else.  Very strong emotions then take over, no more compromise with others.  A good example is for years I would take over the Christmas Tree decoration.  Why, because it was very important that is was beautiful and the best of all.  I would make everyone miserable if they did not do it my way.  Christmas is a season of generosity, giving, hope, and JOY.  I needed to let go of competition and detach.  I needed to be a team player and share.

In getting ready to retire we bought a home that was 1700 sq.ft. moved in and immediately saw it was too small.  It was not big enough for my large family to come home.  So I wanted to look for another home that was 2200 sq ft.  I had been accustomed to the prestige of even larger homes 3000 sq.ft.  We had a mountain home and a condo on the ocean.  Only the best!!!!!!  Retirement is downsizing.  As I got older I was not accustomed to limitations.  I never needed to make a list and my memory was waning.  I was never inconvenienced.  In other words I was spoiled and it made selfish.   So back to the 2200 sq.ft. home I believed was going to be perfect.  On Moving day, I realized the other smaller home had more storage.  We added a porch for even more room.   Then we bought more furniture to fill it.  When it came time to clean it, and it was hard for me to keep the large yard and the home .  I was exhausted!  That had never happened before not enough energy.  I was getting older. The best one yet, is the kids stopped coming home, which was the reason for a bigger home. We realized that we made a big mistake.  We then decided to sell the house at a time when the home prices crashed.  We got the great idea to rent the home.  We planned a trip around the country, help us see where we should retire.  We then had 5 garage sales to get rid everything that would not fit in the camper.  The furniture left we put in storage.  We traveled all over the country for a year, leaving Tampa.  At the end of the trip we decided on Ocala, Florida because it had lower prices, train stop, Airport close, small town with hospital, shopping center, good doctors ect.  I was not happy because none of the campgrounds had hot tubs, as advertised.  So I wanted to quickly find a place where there was a hot tub.  We found 55 plus community that would impress everyone with the golf course and beautiful pool ect.  So we moved into our 1600 sq. ft. home.  We thought that it would be nice to be with our own age group.  Our spoiled, selfish generation was so evident living with so many in one spot. We had a Thanksgiving dinner with everyone at the clubhouse, I thought it would be good to make new friends.  We arrived late and went to get food and there was no dark meat chicken and everything was almost gone. Everyone took more food and their selfishness left us with short of food.

Remember the kids did not come in the 2200 sq. Ft. home, well they started coming home in the 1600 home, go figure.   I have learned that most of my wants are an illusion and a lie from the devil.  Anyway long story short we had two rentals and the home in Ocala.  The renter of 1800 sq. Ft. home did not pay rent for months.  We almost lost the Ocala home but were able to sell it for less than we paid.  The 2200 home we lost it.  So we had to move back to the 1800 sq. ft. home, the first home we purchased.  I was devastated and knew that my enemies would love this news.  My friends would say we did make wise choices.  The status seekers would not like us anymore (and that happened).  All of my fears happened. So returning to the very home I started with, the 1700 home is perfect now.  I can clean it easily and it has a 2nd floor that the family can come home. The truth the first home was not too small.

If we do not live by God’s word and do not trust his provisions for our lives, then we suffer.  Suffering is how we learn we are not God.

In my family, divorce has brought division and strife to us all.  It is selfish to use children as a pawn because of past hurts, preventing them from seeing both families.  Retaliation only hurts us and the poor child.  Selfishness hurts our children in ways that wound their young hearts forever.  Children are mentally healthy when they can love both parents, just the way God made them without condemnation.  Our family is what we are accustomed to being with from a young age and know nothing else, we love them.  When we marry it brings in another family into our lives, to love. When selfishness is present, competition causes accusations and criticism to pull the partner to be ashamed of their family.  No one ever realizes the that both families are wonderful.  If it continues on both families parts eventually they both lose the blessing of growing together in unity and love.

I know that God brought me back to this home with neighbors I knew before.  Since we left everything is so close and convenient.  That is Gods way of teaching us to trust him.

Praise God. When we pursue God, we realize that the most irreplaceable gifts He gives us on earth are His peace, love, wisdom and strength.

Blessed Are The Meek, They Shall Inherit The Land.


You who dwell in the shelter of the Most High,*

who abide in the shade of the Almighty,*


Say to the LORD, “My refuge and fortress,

my God in whom I trust.”


He will rescue you from the fowler’s snare,

from the destroying plague,


He will shelter you with his pinions,

and under his wings you may take refuge;

his faithfulness is a protecting shield.


You shall not fear the terror of the night

nor the arrow that flies by day,


Nor the pestilence that roams in darkness,

nor the plague that ravages at noon


Though a thousand fall at your side,

ten thousand at your right hand,

near you it shall not come.


You need simply watch;

the punishment of the wicked you will see.


Because you have the LORD for your refuge

and have made the Most High your stronghold,


No evil shall befall you,

no affliction come near your tent


*For he commands his angels with regard to you

to guard you wherever you go


With their hands they shall support you,

lest you strike your foot against a stone.


You can tread upon the asp and the viper,

trample the lion and the dragon.



Because he clings to me I will deliver him;

because he knows my name I will set him on high.


He will call upon me and I will answer;l

I will be with him in distress;

I will deliver him and give him honor.


With length of days I will satisfy him,

and fill him with my saving power.

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